Smile all away

Blossoms in shades of gray

2009-01-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

Blossoms in shades of gray

Wilted gems of rosemaries

Dance silently in glades of blues

Scents of summer, scents of rain

Sleep comes as the music wanes

Sunlight through tinted windows

Shadows through them too

Waking at that precise moment

To sober judgment's waterloo

Seems to me that you are glad

Of things that are in silver plats

Smiles dance around you;you are sad

Of the things of late that commiserate

To affirm a thought is to accept it

To see through shades of gray

And to let the mocking greens arrest it

And listen to "Come what may"

Denounce the thought of laughing widowers

Lift your head to glens of light

Throw yourself out of harms way

Let sleep bestow you sight

Distance is a paradise to the one who wanes

But what of paradise when distance fades

An enigma, a mystery , a paradox ,a strain

Suffering comes to all the same

Forgetting what lies ahead

Straining for shadows of sight

The future's sober light illumines me

It brings fright that soothes me

Reform (1 of 3)

2008-12-14T11:00:00.001-08:00

Reform (rĭ-fôrm')

v., -formed, -form·ing, -forms.

v.tr.

To improve by alteration, correction of error, or removal of defects; put into a better form or condition.
1. To abolish abuse or malpractice in: reform the government.
2. To put an end to (a wrong). See synonyms at correct.
To cause (a person) to give up harmful or immoral practices; persuade to adopt a better way of life.

v.intr. To change for the better.

A change for the better; an improvement.
Correction of evils, abuses, or errors.
Action to improve social or economic conditions without radical or revolutionary change.

It's a word that pertains to a thought.

A thought that needs an action.

Reform is an action that pertains to change.

Not just a small one at that, but one that consists of leaps and bounds that are too big for our usual monotonic self.

I had a conversation with a friend recently.

He said "When you clean your desk, take everything out, and then put just these that one important back"

I cleaned. And after I finished, he said,"Hmm, still has a lot of things that 'I' would consider junk and out of place. But hey, those things show who you are."

Disclaimer: This conversation is not in verbatim. Peace to "My friend"

Not saying I'm clean or my things are junk.

Just saying that we can change, it is our choice(we were given that incredible gift of choice) to change or not.

And we can choose where to change. We dictate our own change.

I want a reform in my life. I'm in the process…

There will be a lot changes in my life. There has already been a lot lately.

I do this in part due to compulsion, choice and, I think, this reform is overdue.

I will change. I will let go. I will move on.

Time bids me and Him who dictates time.

Proverbs 14:13

"Even in laughter the heart may ache,

and joy may end in grief."

Still, I say, "Smile All away!"

I'm glad I'll be in Davao in two days.

Swim of death (2 of 3)

2008-12-14T10:05:00.001-08:00

After more than four months. I swam again

I swam

And swam

And swam.

For an hour and a half non-stop(no exaggeration meant) I swam:

7 slips

2 accidental water intakes

A cramp and a half

From the time the shadow at the sun was a meter from me till it was over head.

I swam

5 songs sang in my head

2 cuts in my hand (this was before the swim)

4 winds

A blog

3 titles

Uncounted laps

Uncounted breathe-ins

A dialogue

All prayer

When I swim there's nothing but me, my thoughts, the one who hears them, and the clockwork motion of my body.

Everything else is gone.

It's the perfect time for me for a dialogue.

A talk with the one who hears and dictates the time.

It's amazing what a talk without any outside interference is.

NO noisy cellphones.

NO useless conversations.

NO assignments to worry about.

Its just you and the one who hears.

Why do I say, "The One who hears"?

It's because He does.

To every heart beat

To every pulse

To every laughter

To all the thoughts

To all the pain

To all the joy

He listens, but does He speak?

He does, you've just got to listen too; to hear what He has to say.

And He's got a lot to say.

Now I'm listening.

I'm getting a handful, but it's OK.

I deserve all the "tough love" that's going my way.

And one other thing I noticed after I swam.

I was thirsty.

Parched for more.

A dream is a dream until you wake up (1 of 3)

2008-12-14T09:03:00.001-08:00

"A dream is a wish you heart makes…"

Its as that familiar Disney song goes… familiar…

Maybe a dream IS a wish. I wished for my dream to be so, so much that it might have been the reason it went to my subconscious.

But a wish is only a wish. You can try your hardest, but if time and He who holds time does not allow or thinks it is not yet to be realized, then you have to just wait and obey Him "who dictates time".

We can dream all we want, we can even have dreams even if we're awake; that's a fantasy. And as much as we like to live in that 'fantastic' word in our minds, as much as we struggle to make it into reality; we cannot do anything if the Holder of time does not approve of it. Nothing to do, but to wait. Wait on what is to come. Wait on Him who dictates time. Him who can change whatever has been written in time. Because time changes everything.

Time can change wishes.

Time can change dreams.

That is only if we obey Him who dictates time.

On the time that He has appointed for things to be ready for us; He'll wake us up, as He did with the First One, but there is a condition. We have to choose to wake up from our dreams. Let go and choose to wake up.

Then we can fully live in the reality He has made for us.

It's not dictatorship; it's just that He wants us to have the best of what is possible and what is true and beautiful.

Waking up from dreams is not a bad thing. You wake up to reality. And waking to this reality that He has prepared is perfect for this time.

Reality is perfect in its imperfection, till the time that He will make all things perfect.

Dreams

2008-12-10T18:26:00.000-08:00

Dreams are just dreams until you wake up...

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, remembering nothing but a single image or event from your dream?

Well it happens and that's usually my case.

It's even more stupid...If you wake up early in the morning with thoughts on that dream(that you can't really remember all too well) and you still really want to remember, but you just can't. And the emotions that you felt in the dream is still there (so you stand and blog it... ^___^) and still kicking at you to remember...

Yes, I've tried to remember Ref# 1 to ate Meg's blog Videre in Somnis...so here I am blogging it...trying, but failing to remember everything.

0-0

The dream is about a point in time I wish to forget. It's a recurring dream, in a night I dreamt it twice. I try to change the outcome of the dream, but the end is still the same. I've recently tried to fix the problem, and as usual the end is still the same. I want to not dream this dream yet. I don't want to be fixated on the contents of the dream. I want to live in the reality and the fact that it cannot be true, and never was. I know it can mean something, but the meaning of it is not mine to think of just yet. I wish to forget. I wish to let go. Help me. Its been too hard.

I dreamt of her.

Please don't ask. I want to forget.

Firefly

2008-12-04T11:20:00.001-08:00

Firefly

I blinked and looked and it was there

So seemingly out of thin air

It was a little shiny, green light

Just bright enough to catch our sight

It made me think of what was gone

It made me see what was now none

Of memories so long ago

Of a childhood that is not so

Pinewood scent and a star-lit night

Bonfires and flickering light

Images of grays and blackness

Of green light among the darkness

T’is just an ordinary night

Of mem’ries and a little bright light

Reminiscing what might have been

And seeing what I have now seen

Tomorrow’s just another day

To wake up and smile all away

I wait for you; as you, for me

A firefly’s way to let me see

“I want to change”

2008-12-04T09:16:00.001-08:00

My life is full of failures left and right. And I've heard myself say that phrase countless times that it's deafening. What saddens me more is the fact that I know what I must do.

"I must change."

Knowing what to do and doing it are two very different things, though they are quite related. I have been studying for four years in the university now. It never dawned on me when I was younger that it would take longer than that to graduate. I was too naïve, too lax. I didn't know any better. Yes, there were people that were saying "this" and "that". I listened. I heard. But I should remind you again: knowing and doing are two different things, though they are quite related.

I'm at a point in my life where I can no longer leave things as they were. I am seeing what the future holds too much that I cannot turn a blind eye towards it. I am a Christian. I know what God wants me to do.

I know.

I've known.

And I've tried.

Or, I should say, I'm trying.

I'm not stupid as to ignore what is in front of me. A little sister of mine just declared "that she will grow! Get a life! And quit being a kid" It takes courage to say those things. And I admire her more for saying those things (You know who you are ^_^). I'm older than her, but I can't really say I'm not a kid like her anymore. And this kid is too stubborn. But I'm going to change that.

Splat! I'm already supposed to be an adult.

It's funny, but the more I think about it, the more I get paranoid of the future. It's the time I hear myself say "that phrase" more and more. And as I hear it more and more…and more…and more… it kinda makes me want to really move.

This blog was motivated by a movie I watched a few hours ago. It was a movie about a student in a prestigious university (my dream university) who wanted to study even more and go to an even more prestigious university (the one I can't even dream of dream university) It made me look to myself, and to what I was amounting to. I saw something that I cannot put into words or pictures. The only thing I could think of was LIFE.

I will change my life. I will trust. I will have faith. I will wait.

Smile Life('s sorrow) Away

2008-03-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

:)
The song goes..

"I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down
for the joy of the Lord"

Its such a comfort to really know that all that we are carrying, all the burden, are not supposed to be ours alone...we Have a God who is able to do immeasurably more than we can hope or dream of...

Smile the sorrows...smile it all away